And the burning question this week is..............

What has happened to Lulu's scottish accent in the new Christmas Morrisons TV advert? She seems to have gone all posh middle English. Answers on a post card please................

Reviving the Art

Its strange just how quickly things change, and without you noticing too. My old pal "N" who has been mentioned several times in this blog recently moved and as a result was and indeed still is without computer access. He can use his dial up method but after the experience of superfast broadband finds it frustrating to say the least; so we have reverted to the good old fashioned art of letter writing. After an exchange or two of neatly typed, spell checked and grammar corrected word processed documents I thought it about time to do the job properly, in the time honoured fashion.

I dug out my trusty 25 year old fountain pen and bottle of ink - black Quink, remember that, not the old royal blue stuff that used to smell vaguely of floral disinfectant so reminiscent of schooldays, but a proper adult job. Surprisingly after a few flushes with water, a bit of a clean up and a refill my writing implement was ready for action for the first time in at least a decade.

The real problem was finding the Basildon Bond - there is hardly a stationers now that stocks real writing paper, paper for lazer printers, inkjets, dot matrix and every other mechanical writing, but not the good old pen and ink. How times have changed.

Still I did managed to find some suitable equipment, albeit of a somewhat dubious colour - what happened to the classy cream bond, watermarked with a neat edge and that undersheet with thick lines to keep your copperplate script on the straight and narrow?

Setting about the task was, well surprising. Sit me at a keyboard and the words flow, show me a blank sheet of paper and like the ink in my pen it just dries up, not to mention the rather strange feel of the thing and the awkward scratchy way it writes. In just a few years the skills honed so neatly at school and after seemed lost and the words on the page looked as if the proverbial spider had crawled all over it.

A 2 page A4 typewritten, inkjet printed epistle would take me 1/2 hour at most to write, probably less; two sides of A5 took me 2 hours and that included 2 rewrites for spelling mistakes and one for a blot! When it was finished though, folded neatly and slipped into its matching envelope, a stamp neatly fixed to the top right hand corner - as per Hyacinth Bucket - the sense of achievement and pride in my work knew no bounds, and the ink stains on my hands and fingers a permanent reminder of my task. Probably "N" will just read it and discard it, bless him, but at least for a moment I revived the art of proper letter writing. Sometimes doing things the old fashioned way can be very therapeutic, it certainly was in this case, but in all honesty a keyboard, Office 2000 and a fast inkjet printer makes for a much easier life. Perhaps one day far into the future someone will find my letter, written to and old friend in 2007 and deduce a whole lifestyle from it, after all its doubtful if many of the emails, texts and other electronic communications we send will last - sad thought that.

So soon its off to the village pillar box to send my hand written work on its long journey, accompanied buy a myriad of junk mail, computer generated bills and pre formatted standard word processed letters, knowing my luck of late the bloody thing will get lost in the post. Such is life......

P.S. One advantage of the revival of this ancient skill is that when "N" replied to an earlier letter my dog sniffed the envelope, and then the letter and wagged her tail incessantly; seems that although she probably cant read the signature she at least knew who it was from, and in her doggy way she was pleased to hear from her old friend, she's never shown any interest in emails!

Get it right!

I have wittered on before about the correct use of the English Language, but Lloyds TSB et al seem to take no notice and still suggest you visit them in Branch (where ever that may be). Now apparently its my turn to take the flack, when talking to a friend recently I referred to a part of the British Isles as the Scilly Isles only to be severely reprimanded; it should be The Isles of Scilly, so I hereby hang my head in shame and offer sincere apologies for my shortcomings. I stand corrected. I will stand in corner in store and promise to learn to speak proper like what they do in branch at Lloyds TSB.

The Tide Is High

Thursday last week saw one of the highest tides of the year, down in Wadebridge the old Bridge on Wool looked as if it was almost going to be submerged. This is how it looked at around 5pm about an hour and a half before high tide



By about 7.30 it had risen about another 10 feet or so and completely swamped the Swans Island and nest site.



Its called the Bridge on Wool because it was supposedly build on a foundation of wool sacks some time in the 15th century by subscriptions raised by the Reverend Lovibond. It was always thought that it was probably built on the proceeds of the sale of the wool sacks, but in 1963 when the bridge was widened the surveyors took core samplings of the original foundations and found wool. Apparently it seems that compacted natural fibres make a very firm foundation in wet and boggy places.

There now, you have learnt something today - courtesy of my 1948 edition of "The Boys Book Of Knowledge"

Blogging is good for you!

Now those regular readers of this little diatribe will already know of my good friend "N" It seems that 2007 wasn't only a rubbish year for me but N has been having a pretty bad time of it too, recently he has described himself as a "Grumpy" his words not mine, and you can take it from me it takes a lot to get young N down. He has however followed his own advice and started a blog. I know how much it helped me so I just hope it has the same effect on N. I am sure it will although our circumstances are somewhat different, its certainly worth a try. I would encourage anyone who's feeling a bit down, or even severely depressed to get blogging!

I have had some very encouraging comments - not all published on my little rant about Dr. Rat and it has done me a power of good getting things back in proportion.

Dont be shy, if you have a problem tell the world!

http://ldk5b.livejournal.com/ is where you will find him, give him some encouragement, no one deserves it more. Just to cheer him up here is one of his favourite views.



Happy Days!

Life in a box

Last week I went shopping, for those little expensive items in life that make it all worth while, small luxuries like bread and milk etc. When I got home I unloaded my purchases and unpacked them, to my horror I found that the discarded packaging actually took up more room than the items I had bought. No wonder our land fills are filling up so rapidly. Amongst the items I purchased were:-

Tomatoes - wrapped in plastic in a plastic tray.
Frozen pizza - wrapped in plastic in a cardboard box
Sliced ham - plastic tray wrapped in cellophane
Fruit - plastic tray again in cellophane
Butter - plastic box
Milk - plastic bottle
Potatoes - plastic bag
Soap - wrapped in cellophane and then wrapped again in cardboard
Toothpaste - cardboard box
Eggs - cardboard egg box in a cardboard sleeve.
Lettuce - plastic bag (and aren't they a bugger to get into!)

the list was endless almost everything came wrapped in plastic and then in a box.

My recycling bags are full, but instead of the Government urging us to recycle why on earth don't they target the manufacturers / supermarkets and try and dissuade them from packing everything in several layers? The manufacturers like it because it easier to transport goods in nice square packaging, but surely the weight must add to transport costs, Co2 emissions and the like. I for one wont object to the odd squashed item if its saving us from all this waste. Then of course there is the added ecological cost of producing all this packaging, when you actually sit down and think about it, it's horrendous! One well known supermarket previously packed fresh bread rolls in paper bags and despite being on the "green" bandwagon now package in plastic boxes. Manufacturers of electrical goods and cars now have to take responsibility for recycling their old goods, why not every manufacturer?

I think next week I will try and see if I can purchase a whole weeks shopping - without packaging. I know I sound like a "Grumpy Old Man" but to me it just makes sense to package things in the smallest container possible. I lugged home a giant pack of washing powder last week only to find it the box was 3/4 full, settlement is how they described it, wasteful is how I would describe it. There is little point is saving on carrier bags when its the stuff inside that is causing the real problem. I have heard of people at the checkout removing all the excess packaging and leaving it behind in protest, well at least if you do take it home it will get recycled, but I fully support the ideal. don't worry about the odd plastic carrier worry about what's in it!

This weeks rubbish (mainly non recyclable plastic wrapping) consisted of 1/4 full dustbin of rubbish and 4 full bags of recyclable items!

Would the last one to leave, turn out the lights.

Well now, from a thriving buzzing place full of happy(?) holidaymakers to a ghost town in 24 hours. Last week you couldn't move on the coast or in town, the bridge over the river was solid with traffic and the car park was full to overflowing.

This week, its like Dodge City in a shootout, empty pavements, shops even the post office only had on man buying a stamp. Seems like the end of August heralded the big return to home and the whole place is taking on its winter feel already. Probably pick up next week when all the "grownup" tourists are down, the walkers and the cyclists and the like enjoying a late summer break without the kids - lets hope so, even with the sudden flurry in August tourism figures are way down on last year, due in no small part to the rather damp start to the summer. ( Yes we did have a summer it was around the middle of the 3rd week in August!)

In some ways it nice to have the place back to ourselves, but in others its quite a shock to see everywhere so dead. Still I guess there is always next year.....

Daft Emails

A friend recently sent me an email with the hope that I would soon get to know her better. Apparently you are supposed to fill the questions in and email it to 4 friends who then do the same and create a whole world where everyone knows every trivial fact about everyone else. I couldn't be bothered, this was my reply.

Four things about me that you may or may not have known, in no particular order:

FOUR JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE:
1. lavatory attendant (own brush)
2. assistant brain surgeon
3. nuclear rocket scientist
4. trapeze artist (had to leave as I became incontinent)

FOUR MOVIES I COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER:
1. Visit to Cromer (Home movie c1952)
2. Tony Blairs Greatest Achievements (Fantasy Film 2006)
3. Bush the Wise (Science Fiction)
4. Traffic Webcam (Time Sq NYC)

FOUR PLACES I HAVE LIVED:
1. Under the Table
2. In the Pub
3. The Shed in the Garden
4. Fawlty Towers

FOUR TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH:
1. The Test Card
2. The Adverts for Loans on Sky 1
3. Quantum Physics (BBC2 OE prog)
4. Telly Tubbies

FOUR PLACES I HAVE VISITED:
1. The Garden Shed (not recently)
2. Tesco
4. Next Door
5. NCDC Recycling Centre (Local Tip)

FOUR PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME:
1. Swedish Babes go Dutch.com (No idea where they got my addy from. :-))
2. NASA ( for advice)
3 John P Getty (but only when he want a loan)
4. People who loose their digi pictures

MY FAVOURITE FOODS:
1. Chocolate
2. Chocolate
3. Chocolate
4. Chocolate covered Chocolate

FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. anywhere
2. somewhere over the rainbow
3. with a billionaire
4. with 2 billionaires

FOUR FRIENDS I THINK WILL RESPOND:
1. No one
2. Some one
3. Any one
4. I dont have 4 friends :-(

Yasser, Andy, Pompey and a stick insect

Now what's he on about I hear you ask, well all the above except the stick insect have one thing in common - I will let you work it out by which time I would expect you to have also deduced that I share something in common with them all.......

As For Mr Stick Insect the connection is rather tenuous but it did appear in my garden recently and here is the photograph to prove it



It seems that they are not uncommon in this part of the country, escapees from schools and the like are to blame apparently.

As for the others, Mr Arafat and Mr Lloyd Webber and, I am reliably informed by "N" Mr Stephen Fry, will all be sharing something fairly soon. What a happy bunch they must be once they realsie they have the same natal day as yours truly. Before you reach for the cards and present wrapping let me say here and now I will almost certainly not be celebrating it this year, I am now at an age where these occasions seem to have lost their magic. No more jelly and ice cream, cake and cucumber sandwiches, just perhaps a fish and chip supper somewhere on the coast, overlooking the sea with the sun setting on the horizion - under an umbrella probably. Ho Hum, a few more and I officially qualify for "Grumpy Old Man" status, a bus pass and free prescriptions, what joys I have to look forward too. Have a good week readers.

PS. I found the words to my favourite song on the web and as the late Dusty Springfield had such a huge influence on my adolescent years I wanted to pay tribute to a remarkable lady, for lady she was in every sense of the word.

Summers Here.......(but I wish it wasn't)

The sun has been shining on and off all week here in Cornwall, but it has also brought the usual influx of tourists, who unfortunately don't understand that the sun here is much stronger than elsewhere in the country so there are a lot of very red and grumpy people about.

It also brings problems on the roads with the town coming almost to a standstill with traffic and the local lanes full of vehicles that cant quite get used to reversing and avoiding the hedges and stone walls!

Yesterday was a day to forget - promptly! It started off sunny and bright but sort of degenerated into "one of those days". First I dropped a complete tub of coleslaw on the carpet, then I got caught in the rain and got soaked through, then I had an awkward customer who wanted to know where to buy some pornography, ( I mean, come on as if I would know that....) and to top it all someone hit my car in the narrow lane going home. It was definitely an evening for a beer or two!

Lets hope today will be better............

Cant Blog, Wont Blog......

I think the weather must have been getting to my PC as well as most of the inhabitants of the British Isles, It decided to stop working this week and refused to even give me the friendly bleep when I switched it on.

I tried cajoling it, talking nicely to it and even giving it a friendly pat but all to no avail, the poor thing was dead. There was no alternative but to get the screwdriver out and perform major exploratory surgery.

After a struggle to extract the poorly machine from its case I was alarmed to see not only the complex electronic circuitry but also several years of accumulated dust and fluff, in fact enough to clog up the most robust of mechanical devices. I carefully got the paint brush out and dusted and blew as much of the muck out of its most delicate parts and began checking all the plugs and connections. A quick retest confirmed that it was still on the critical list so further drastic action was necessary.

Whilst fiddling with all the connections I noticed that the memory chips were a little loose, in fact how they stayed in was a miracle, for those not conversant with the inner workings of the PC the memory chips reside in slots in the main cuircuit board known affectionately as the mother board. They are held in securely with a clip at each end which fastens to a cut out on the chip board itself, It would seem that the chips were never put in properly in the first place, no wonder I have had such trouble with the machine of late. I firmly pushed the chips in, to an alarming crunching sound, secured then with the clips and crossed fingers, actually every part of me, and pressed the start button.

The machine sprang into life, gave the usual friendly bleep and continued to the all too familiar Welcome screen. Lazarus had come back to life!

Reconnecting all the other plugs, the case and then easing the PC back into its hole in the desk was no mean feat I can tell you but all seems well and I am able to communicate with the outside world and continue my blogging. What's more the machine is no longer clogged up with numerouse dead creatures, puppy fluff and years of neglect. Not a good day to start with but it got better, see there IS hope yet!

Have a nice day Y'all !

It's back !

The rain that is, this time with a vengeance not just the wet stuff fell yesterday, but a real storm, thunder, lightening and more "dancing raindrops" than you see in a month of Sundays (probably not at the moment more like 1 Sunday!) It was so bad that it affected the power supply with no less than 3 interruptions. It dried up after a while and the sun came back out and then the power went off completely for 2 hours. Hence no blog. Last night the storm reappeared, but luckily Western Power managed to maintain the supply so I guess their little bit of string and fuse wire held up. No doubt they will send a man out to repair it properly "direkly" Bless 'em!

I think the microwave must have come out in sympathy because it flatly refused to work - yes the power was on, I am daft but not that daft! Amazingly however it repaired itself overnight and is now fully functioning again. Oh such domestic bliss, in a wildly exciting life.

Actually is been very quite here this week, the mass influx for the summer emmetts hasn't materialised as yet , perhaps the weather has put them off, cant say I would relish the prospect of a week in a soggy tent on the cliff top with all this precipitation around.

Highlight of today will be to go into town and post a letter, can I stand much more excitment??!!

Its happened again.

Blow me! The suns out again - second time in well about a month! It could become a habit all this fine weather. N sent me a lovely picture taken from his window of the rain dancing on the tarmac. I suppose its not only down in the southwest that the weathers been bad but judging by today you lot up country could be in for a treat, as I think todays weather is heading your way

I would love to stop and write more but I have the lawns to mow, the dog to walk, the car to clean, and the washing to do. Isnt life exciting!

Now there's a thing......

Just when you thought you aught to be getting some flippers and a snorkel, it stops raining! What's more it not just for an hour or so, but a whole day. A large yellow shiny disk has appeared in the sky radiating warmth and making the whole place look better. Perhaps its just a blip and the normal grey dampness will descend again shortly, for the moment though its a very welcome change.

Every cloud has however a silver lining and I guess the reverse must be true as not only did the warm sun dry up a rather soggy landscape but it also brought out a myriad of creatures that had been sheltering from the rain. Namely a swarm of bees, no doubt looking for a new residence after their previous one was flooded. Now I am a nature lover, but when they decided to set up home in the bathroom extractor fan I drew the line. Showering with a group of apis is taking the p*** so they had to be dealt with - and quick! A blast from the fan soon had them on their way back to the estate agents, although as usual you always get a group of stragglers who like to hang around in the net curtain for a chat or explore the vagaries of the plug hole in the bath, only to emerge when you least expect it and well, when you are otherwise occupied !

Still they seem to have moved on to pastures new. The sun looks as if it might be out again today, perhaps its not a day to sit too long and ponder life's problems..........!

The definite and indefinite article

NOW I really am going to be a grumpy old man! The English language is one of the most expressive in the world, compared to most languages we have more words than you can shake a stick at. Why oh why then are two of the most useful words seemingly being dropped from general usage? I refer to the definite and indefinite article.

Noticed how TV ads for Banks, DIY Stores and Supermarkets now have things "in store" Well I should jolly well hope they do as after all empty shelves wont help their turnover. Banks now have all sorts of interesting things "in branch" - What the dickens does that mean? Half way up a tree? The absence of the definite article "the" here completely changes the meaning of the sentence. You cant actually have things "in branch" unless of course you are a squirrel and hid your nuts there, you can however have things "in the branch" or even "in a branch"

When a well known DIY chain invites to to see what's in store, are they inviting you to a personal tour of their stock room? I somehow doubt it.

For goodness sake let's bring back those little words that convey the real meaning in a sentence, or are we all doomed to the newspeak of Big Brother? (That's another pet dislike of mine, just don't get me started on that one or I will be blogging all day!)

Second Homers

Second Home. Now that really is a dirty word in Cornish. To begin with they were welcomed, it enabled the local people to get out of a rather damp, if a somewhat idyllically situated cottage into a new modern house, can you blame them ? Living in period property is OK if you can afford to maintain it. Then a few years ago when interest rates were at their lowest it all kicked off.

With the average income in Cornwall way below the rest of the country more and more houses were bought up as second homes, sometimes just as an investment. No one minds a holiday home if its used for that purpose, if its rented out during the season then it provides an income (of sorts) to the county. Holiday makers spend money whilst they are here. What got up everyone's noses was the fact that most of the second homes just sat there empty for 11 months of the year, paying little council tax and providing no income what so ever, when the occupants came down they brought with them full carrier bags from Waitrose so even the local supermarket lost out. All this demand from upcountry buyers put the housing stock under sever pressure, prices have doubled in the last few years and its not slowing down now. According to one source in the local newspaper the salary to house value ratio in most of the country is 5/1 in Cornwall its twice that. With no salary to sustain a mortgage you have no chance of getting on the property ladder, and fuelled by the proliferation of "house" programs on TV which make it look so easy to make a fortune in property, demand outstripped supply and the inevitable happened. Its not just in Cornwall either its happened all over the country, and abroad, but this county suffered more than most as it is such a poor county. With no chance of young people being able to afford to stay in the county the population will inevitably change to "retirement" with no younger blood things will stagnate.

The worst thing about the second homers it the "trophy resident" I work in the tourist industry and you can spot them a mile off. The conversation usually starts with "We have just moved down here" to which my reply is a somewhat guarded response, either that or "Oh we are locals" Hmmmm for 2 weeks of the year, me thinks. The shiny new 4x4, designer clothes or the big chain store carrier bags usually give it away. Why pretend your local when you are just a second homer?

There is now a huge backlash against it all and graffiti is appearing all over the county but most noticeably in the North Cornwall area, I sincerely hope it wont go as far as it did in Wales a few years ago, only time will tell.

The Cornish

The thing about the Cornish and Cornwall for that matter, is they are so honest. Cornwall doesn't pretend to be anything other than what it is, its the "upcountry 'oiks" that are turning it into the pretentious place it seems to becoming. The true Cornish call a spade a spade and probably add "me 'ansome" to it too, and thats what I like about them. You cant beat a bit of good old fashioned honesty. Most of the indigenous population might not have two pennies to rub together, but they are the first to put their hand in their pockets for some good cause or other. They welcome you, perhaps somewhat suspiciously at first, but if you stand the test then in about 200 years you could become one of them. They are proud of their roots and their county and rightly so.